It all began with breath...

It's time. You're ready for this. Breathe.

My mind triggered a deep inhale through my nose. I was aware of my chest and stomach expanding outwards and then caving back into my body as I exhaled through my parted lips. I gripped the steering wheel of my 2010 BMW, parked at Isabelle’s, my spiritual mentor and coach.

Again.

This time, inhalation and exhalation were held longer. It encouraged my body to calm and pushed away from the anxiety that arose. My fingers slid from the wheel onto my lap, still rigid and hard.

One more time.

The third one was the best one. My body succumbed to the tranquility of intentional breath and the rhythm of my heart fell back to normal. It spread, my shoulders fell languidly down my back, arms, and followed through, all the way down my legs. This was my routine. My personal practice to serenity after an episode of PTSD.

You're okay. Good job.

My dark brown eyes smiled at me from the rear view mirror. It empowered me to continue what I had come here to do.

It's time.

I nodded my head, shut off the engine, and freed myself from the confines of my car.

Keep walking.

The bell chimes addressed my presence as I walked in and Isabelle’s jovial voice, heavily accented in French and bits of Spanish and German, immediately eased me into comfort. “Hello, sunshine!” I gave into the sedating hug. “Hi, Isa.” I stayed in the warmth of her embrace, not letting go. “Hmmmm..how are you doing?” She inquired, releasing me and probing into my soul as usual. I returned her smile and squeaked, “I’m okay.”  She invited me up the narrow circular stairs to her studio, “Let’s go.” I followed right behind her and continued my breathing exercise. Meditation music welcomed us, playing softly in the background, all sorts of crystals decorated the room-some were on the loft ledge, while others were flying prettily from the ceiling.

I love this place.

There were books stacked neatly on corner shelves along with many different Angel Tarot cards by various authors; Doreen Virtue, Radleigh Valentine, Dr. Brian Weiss, etc. Married within the decks was the original and traditional Radleigh Wait deck. A lulling waterfall was the live aspect of the symphony being played and emphasized the serene ambiance the space evoked.

Two chairs faced one another at the far right wall and a massage bed furnished the back of the room. I took my seat closer to the bed and she sat in hers. “What are we doing today Krista?” armed with notebook and pen in hand.

It’s time. Keep breathing.

I took in a very deep breath, the ones that took at least three to five seconds to inhale, and even longer to exhale.

Thank God for all that yoga.

I looked straight into her eyes and matched her stare, “I think it's time to look into my disturbing past,” sipped in an inhale, “and figure out how I came out okay.” exhale. I smiled. It felt good to finally say it aloud. The result was a feathery light sensation from my head to toe. The uttered words removed the backpack of burdens I’ve been carrying for the past 33 years, they now laid open at my feet. Sifting through whatever was inside would be the next step. A heavenly smile revealed a row of straight white teeth from Isabelle, “I agree. It is time.” She opened up her book and readied herself, “Where shall we begin?”




 

I NO LONGER HATE YOU

I no longer hate you. I will love you instead. The viciousness of hate weighs too

heavy to carry.        

Clambering and tripping through the darkness of anger hurts only me. 

Not another second, minute, hour, or day should be wasted.        

So I’ve decided to love you instead.

Not for you but for me. 

Though I barely recognized its essence, love knew me.

It's the tiny speck of light made me smile, so I let it be.

The warmth of joy illuminated in and around me.

Inviting me to continue my journey to heal so I let it be.

Love knew me.

I followed and with every determined step,

the heavy baggage of the past disappeared.

The bright colors and energy of Life—my life—embraced me.

The decision to be at peace was not taken lightly.

I need, want, and should be here in reality.

Love knew me.

It patiently waited and never gave up on me.    

Flickering its light towards me.

It asked me to dance and touched my heart.

Unearthing all I have forgotten-that is Self-Love.

I love me. I am worthy. I am enough.

My heart sighed in relief, ready to love, be loved and give love.

So I send you to love instead.

It's empowering and contagious energy cannot be contained.
 

I cannot hate you, I have to love you instead.

I let you go happily.

Godspeed, Au revoire, Goodbye.

I’ll wait for you on this side instead.

I invite you on this journey always.

To see the speck of light through the darkness.

It has and will always shine deep inside of you.

Whenever you're ready—Your (Self) love awaits.

Krista N

 

Falling In Love with Mercury

The ruler of communication, Mercury, goes direct today! On Jan 8th at 1:43am PT and 4:43AM ET, the planet’s orbit finally reaches a point where it begins to move in the same direction as earth. However, since December 19, it had been in Retrograde (a backwards path) and has caused a steady unsettling of the usual status quo.

"Not your cup of tea: Reflections on the misunderstood "Tough Love" therapist

"Not your cup of tea: Reflections on the misunderstood "Tough Love" therapist

"You are not everyone's cup of tea and that's okay!" my therapist decisively said to me and now I share this wisdom to you. I had to work on accepting this fact many times--as a business owner, therapist, writer and friend. 

Where was GOD then?!

Where was GOD then?!

Everything stopped as the deafening sound of a violent car crash took over my entire being. I watched in horror as someone’s once prized possessions were viciously mangled in an unrecognizable heap of metal. No one survived. Not the pregnant woman who was about to become a mother to her unborn child.

Nature Therapy

Nature Therapy

In the beginning (2012) of opening myself to a holistic therapy lifestyle, I was guided to learn about crystals to help me become more grounded and to understand the benefits of what mother nature can instantly do for me and in turn help others in their personal journey.

Today is 9/9/9..what does it all mean?

Today is 9/9/9..what does it all mean?

The blaring sequence of 999 does exactly what it needs to do. Light a fire under your ass, and alarm you into attention which leaves you to ponder and reflect--what, where, and how is my life at this exact moment.